Williams Family: My Take On Gifts

 

Sheldon, a lead character in The Big Bang Theory revealed his birthday in the final season in an episode that aired on the day of his character's birthday and coincidence, we share the date.  While fictional, Sheldon's reasons for not making his birthday known was his aversion to gifts, both receiving and giving.  I, too, share similar feelings about gift giving and receiving. 

Gift giving.  I'm not good at it.  I think fondly of people often; random pleasant thoughts triggered by a phrase, a picture, music, food, location, or a potential gift giving object.  I feel like I learn people likes and dislikes quickly.  Someone I worked with enjoyed gardening, so a gift certificate to Earl May Garden Center was a go-to for their gardening needs for gift giving occasions.  My gift giving default is not luxury or treat, but utility. A friend who likes playing cards and has made mention of a card shuffler on Amazon is getting that for her birthday in August.  I've already announced it, so no backsies. The husband has a tendency to need new shoes around the holidays, so shoe boxes are under the tree. Didn't the Three Wiseman give 3 gifts that first Christmas? All of which served a need.  I'm with them. 

Part of the gift giving stance is that I don't enjoy shopping; the hunt.  A friend of mine and her sister shop all year long for holiday gifts for their family members keeping a notebook to catalog the items found during multiple shopping trips to snag the best deals.  Then, they spend days wrapping just in time for the gifts to go under the tree.  This tradition brings them great joy and I applaud that.  For me, it would bring great stress.  And, let down.  One of the reasons we traveled as a family during the holidays was to avoid the "now what" feeling after the gifts are opened on Christmas morning.  Didn't have that feeling once while walking down the middle of Main Street USA on Christmas Day. (A reference to the Magic Kingdom at the Walt Disney World Resort.)  And, while my holiday shopping friend and her sister can afford their tradition, there may be others who have less of a budget but feel the need to maintain an image of what they expect gift giving to looking like.  Oh, the pull of consumerism and image maintenance!

As for gift receiving, while gracious, it makes me uncomfortable.  I wonder about use. "What will I do with this?" When I retired, I told folks to please not gift me anything that I would have to sell or pack, as we were moving. Ok, there were some personalized drink mugs and carafes that made the move.  I worry about reciprocity, a Sheldon concern.  Did I or do I reciprocate the gift?  Value? Timeliness? Oh, the pressure.  I will also confess that some gifts, after thank you's were distributed, became a part of a gift drawer for appropriate re-gifting.  A poll at the pool reveals that re-gifting is permissible and that stash of gifts has come in handy a time or two when reciprocity for gift receiving is appropriate. 

As a teen and young adult, the parents would ask for a holiday wish list in the late Fall.  For me, it was a wish list, not necessarily holiday. Since I was employed, I would often purchase items from the list myself, thoroughly frustrating my mother. As a child, I received gifts that were taken away; gifts had conditions.  Some of my favorite childhood gifts were handmade: a box of Barbie clothes, a wooden doll bed. 

You may be asking, what prompted me to write about gifting.  Well, this time of year seems to bring about a flurry of garage and estate sales.  People's belongings spread across lawns and driveways for the picking by savvy shoppers. Within that display of wares, there are most likely gifts and evidence of consumption. Do we really need all of the stuff? People are profiting off renting space for storage. 

I, too, have hosted garage sales and they are a lot of work.  And, I support the secondhand market for the selling and purchasing of goods whether it be garage sales, FB Marketplace, or consignment shops.  It reduces waste and can inspire creativity with the upcycling movement. 

I am also aware of Love Languages with one of them being "Receiving Gifts."  That is definitely not my Love Language and thank goodness, not the husband's either. 

 As I rambled through this post about gift giving and gift receiving the underlying theme emerging is also about consumption, all the stuff.  Are gifts a way to assuage guilt for personal purchasing?  And, again, is there a need for all the things? A wise person once told me to not love something that can't love you back.  Yes, one could love an item for how it makes them feel or look, protects them from the elements, conjures a memory, or has personal meaning. Those loved items may, too, have been gifts.  But, those loved items are not going to be in the garage sale or in a storage unit.  

To turn a phrase from Edna Mode of The Incredibles, "No Gifts!"