Gold is a
precious metal, but not a strong one and turns out a heart of gold, while
precious, wasn’t strong. Our friend Teri’s
heart was golden and lives on the people she loved and supported; her family, her friends, her colleagues, her
community, and her faith. Generous,
kind, thoughtful, and smart, oh so smart!
Teri and I
met in middle school, shared some of the same classes, especially math classes. She played basketball and I was a cheerleader.
Sleepovers, bike rides, then mopeds, game nights, middle school dances, softball games, dance recitals, and
summers of freedom. She was “Ter” and I was “Jade.” Our friendship circle had
many rings, like a pebble in a pond.
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| The "gals" |
In high
school, it was student government, with the gentle hand of Mary Zesiger, that became
a passion for Teri as she rose to the position of Student Council President
managing celebration weeks, parades, dances, and student council trips. One student council trip took us to Chicago where we
got to see Jody Davis, catcher for the Cubs, famous for his homeruns, play at
Wrigley Field. It was a banner day for
me to see a player with which I shared a name. Her foray into leadership allowed for travel and took her to Europe.
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| Wrigley Field |
Because we
were both working high school students and had our own money, we planned a
Spring Break trip to Florida our senior year in high school. Our parental units
were under the impression that the other parents had already said “yes” and we
coordinated one set of parents taking us to the airport and the other, picking
us up. We made a hotel reservation in
Tampa and off we went for a week! There was a restaurant across the street from
the hotel—Red Lobster—that was a frequent dining destination. We rented a black
Trans Am, and drove throughout Tampa across the causeway Bridge near
Clearwater. We took a day trip—tour bus—to the Magic Kingdom. Teri got so
sunburnt at the hotel pool on our first day that she was miserable for most of
the trip. We played Canasta in our hotel room and had moments when we didn’t
speak. Our budgeting wasn’t the best and we had enough money on the morning of
our departure to purchase 1 muffin at the airport to share. I don’t remember the exact amount, but Teri
does. . . did. Oh, we laughed about that adventure for years! Our poor parents.
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| Pre-mischief of some kind or another. |
Our
friendship circle went to Junior Prom as Seniors with a pre-prom photos taken at
Teri’s in Linda and Monte’s kitchen. And, of course, prom dress shopping in Des
Moines leading up to the event.
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| All dolled up for prom. |
In the
summer of 1984, just after graduation, our friend group took an impromptu week-end
road trip to Kansas City. Michael
Jackson had a concert at Arrowhead Stadium, something we wanted to take part. We did not have concert tickets, but we did
have a hotel reservation at Embassy Suites, large enough for all of us. I remember us driving and hanging a sign on the car window with "Michael Jackson Concert or Bust." Once we
arrived in Kansas City we poured over the newspaper classified ads for ticket
sales and sure enough, we scored tickets!
It was an amazing concert and the ladies seated behind us had snuck alcohol
into the concert in baggies in their bras.
Some memories stick.
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| Headed to graduation! That's my yellow VW Bug parked in the street. What a gang! |
After high
school graduation we stayed in touch, but were at different colleges. I did visit Teri on campus at University of
Iowa a few times. Remember, this was in
the mid 1980’s and there were no cell-phones and each call was a long distance
charge. We were both at UNI studying education at one point, with her living
off campus. Life got busy with school,
careers, and relationships. We
reconnected when we both returned to Ottumwa and were both adoptive parents. Our children’s birthdays are separated by 1
year and 2 days.
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| Walking the train track to a Hawkeye Football game. |
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| A costume party in Cedar Falls--I remember baked pumpkin seeds. |
Teri held
positions at Great Prairie Area Education Agency (GPAEA) and within the Ottumwa District that made her a superior or
supervisor. She did keep me in mind when planning training and meetings, often
referring to it as the “Jody filter” anticipating what questions I might have
and how quickly I would complete a task at a training and having something else
ready for me to do or accomplish.
Since many
of us define time pre and post pandemic, I’ll quantify by saying sometime prior
to 2020, Teri arranged for waves of us to attend a Mental Health First Aid
class, taught by GPAEA staff. The intent
was to train us to recognize and respond to student mental health crises, including
eating disorders such as anorexia. At
the end of the session, I privately asked one of the trainers about how to
address the opposite of anorexia as I was concerned about my friend, Teri. I
was told that wasn’t in the training. Ironic.
As Teri’s mobility
and general health declined, I was mad; at her enablers for bringing her two
plates from the holiday spread for example—yes I know she didn’t want food
touching; at her employer who required work to be completed from her hospital
bed indicating work was a priority and an excuse for not focusing on her well-being—good
thing she had a Wi-Fi hot spot; at myself for not saying “let’s walk to the end
of the driveway and back”, and at her for being so smart and not addressing her
own physical and mental health.
Post
pandemic, Teri attempted to return to the office, when working from home was no
longer an option, rolling her oxygen, and anxious about catching a virus that
was potentially lethal for people with her health conditions. She also had a sister going through chemo that
she wanted to protect.
Teri retired
from the district and dove into her role as chief operating officer of her home
and family, managing decisions when family members and her sister, Nici, passed.
Supporting her daughter, Taylor while she navigated school and work. And,
helping her parents through transitions.
When we moved to Florida, Teri and I kept in touch via cell phone. Sometimes the calls were long and rambling--the best kind--kids, family, weather, and work. Work? Yes, Teri was haunted by a work issue post-retirement until a handful of months ago. Disturbingly, she wasn't/isn't the only district administrator dealing with issues post-retirement. Sometimes the calls were short because of how she was feeling at the time. We ended each call with "I love you." And, "I love you, too."
Teri’s greatest joys were her family, especially her daughter, Taylor, whose life trajectory will be forever changed by the passing of her mom. Her family will miss her most. And, miss her fabulous parties and fierce competitiveness playing games!
When someone
dies, too soon or too young, it can be difficult to not feel guilty for
continuing to live and to assuage that guilt by claiming a piece of the death
with displays of grief. I am doing just that with this writing as it relieves
the guilt and helps to process the grief.
In honor of
Teri’s thoughtfulness, let’s be thoughtful and mindful of our own mental and
physical health. In honor of Teri’s kindness, let’s be kind to ourselves and
others when there are struggles with mental and physical health by offering
support without shame. In honor of Teri’s generosity, let’s be generous with
our time and attention devoted to keeping ourselves healthy and living
boundlessly. In honor of Teri’s heart of
gold, let’s promise to reduce judgement and spread joy.
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